Kuba mu rukundo cyangwa mu rushako ni ikintu cyiza ariko kandi gisaba imbaraga za babiri kugira ngo urukundo rwanyu ntirukonje. Uko abantu batandukanye ninako bavuga ndetse bakumva imvugo z’urukundo zitandukanye. Rero iyo uwo mwashakanye cyangwa mukundana mutavuga cyangwa ngo mwumve imvugo imwe, bikaba bivamo amakimbirane yo kutumvikana.
Uyu munsi Ubumwe.com bwifashishije Dr Gary Chapman mu gitabo cye yise “The 5 Love Languages” aho asaba buri wese kumenya imvugo y’urukundo ya mugenzi we, akaba ariyo amuvugishamo kugirango yumve anyuzwe, twabateguriye imvugo eshanu z’urukundo.
Ushobora guhora utera imitoma umukunzi wawe kandi wenda imvugo ye ari “Act of service” aho twabisobanura ko ari ukuvugisha ibikorwa cyangwa kumuha serivise, usanga rero ibyo uvuga ntacyo bimubwiye ati: “Nonese urwo rukundo utanyereka mu bikorwa rurihe?”
Umwanya udasanzwe (Quality time)
Iyo umuntu avuga imvugo y’umwanya udasanzwe hano bishatse kuvuga ko uyu muntu aha agaciro mwembi kugira umwanya wihariye, mudafite kirogoya yewe n’abana niba mubafite badashobora kubavangira.
Mushobora guhitamo gusohokana mukajya kuganira cyangwa yewe no mu rugo ariko televiziyo ijimije na terefoni ukayishyira hasi umurebe mu maso umwereke ko umuteze amatwi ndetse nawe uvuge mugire umwanya wo gusabana nta kirogoya. Mushobora no kugerageza gukora ibintu bishyashya hamwe; dufate urugero ushaka kwigisha umukunzi wawe nko koga, guteka indyo runaka n’ibindi bintu mushobora gukora hamwe. Mushobora gutembera (taking a walk), kujyana ahantu nko muri siporo, guhaha n’ibindi nk’ibyo.
Imvugo y’ibikorwa (Act of service )
Hano imvugo y’ibikorwa twavuga ku bagabo bakorera abagore babo, nko gufasha uwo mwashakanye mu bikorwa bitandukanye nko guteka, kumufasha gukora amasuku, cyangwa ukaba wamufasha kwita ku bana banyu mu gihe akenshi izi nshingano ziba zizwi nk’iz’umugore. Ibi byereka ubikorewe ko mugenzi we azirikana ibyo akora kandi abimushimira binyuze mu bikorwa bifatika.
Ku bagore, urugero mwembi murakora, umugore kuva mu kazi n’umunaniro kandi mufite abakozi ariko ukumva ko ushobora kujya mu gikoni ugatekera umugabo wawe ibiryo akunda, cyangwa ukamutegurira imyenda ndetse ukamwambika; ugakora ikintu runaka kubwe, bitavuye kuko ari inshingano zawe cyangwa itegeko, ahubwo ukabikora bivuye ku rukundo umukunda. bimutera akanyamuneza akumva ntawundi mugore cyangwa umugabo umeze nkawe.
Guhabwa impano (Gifts)
Nkuko dusanzwe tubizi ko gutanga impano ari ikimenyetso cy’urukundo. Rero hari abantu batita ku magambo umubwira ngo uramukunda, ahubwo kumutekerezaho ukamuha akantu niyo kaba ari gato cyane, kuri we kamuhindurira isi paradizo. Gutanga aha twavuga nko gukorera surprise umukunzi wawe n’impano runaka, kumuha indabyo, kumuzanira impano y’ikintu uzi akunda n’ubwo nta cyintu cyabaye kidasanzwe; bimutera ibyishimo kandi akumva ko ari uwa gaciro imbere yawe. Kuri iyi mvugo y’impano ntabwo iyo mpano itegerezwa kuba ikintu giheze cyane, ahubwo ikimushimisha ni ukuntu wamutekerejeho ukabona ko ukwiye kumuha impano, abona ko umuzirikana.
Gukora ku mukunzi wawe (Physical touch)
Niba imvugo y’urukundo y’umukunzi wawe ari ukumukorakoraho, ntacyo wavuga cyangwa ngo ukore utamukozeho ngo yumve ko umukunze. Ushobora kumufata akaboko mukajyana ahantu, cyangwa ugashyira akaboko kawe ku rutugu rwe muri kwitemberera, cyangwa ukamukorera ka massage, ukamuhobera, ukamusoma, n’ibindi nk’ibi.
Gukorakora ku mukunzi wawe nk’imvugo y’urukundo bitandukanye no kuba ushaka ko mukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ku ruhande rumwe hari gukorakora bya gishuti bitajyana mu mibonano mpuzabitsina, naho ku rundi ruhande hari gukorakora bijyana kuri iyo mibonanano. Gukorakora ku mukunzi wawe biterwa n’impamvu zitandukanye. Urugero wenda umukunzi wawe yagize umunsi mubi aho yiriwe; aha ushobora kumuhobera mu rwego rwo kumuhumuriza umwereka ko muri kumwe, ushobora kumwiyegamiza mu gituza kugirango yumve ko atekanye cyangwa ukamusohokana mukajya kureba ka filime umufashe akaboko kugirango yumve ko aruhutse kandi umwitayeho.
Gukoresha amagambo (Words of affirmation)
Kubwira umukunzi wawe “Ndagukunda”, kumutera imitoma, kumushimira ku bwitange bwe kubw’urkundo rwanyu, kumurata mu bandi, kumwita ya mazina y’urukundo (pet’s names), kumwandikira utugambo twiza haba muri carte postal, ibaruwa isanzwe, ubutumwa bugufi, ku mubwira ko nta wundi mukobwa cyangwa musore urabona umeze nkawe, ko ari uwa gaciro imbere yawe, n’ibindi. Ni ugukoresha umunwa wawe ushimangira urukundo umufitiye ndetse umushimira kuri buri kintu, aha niho bamwe wumva bavuga ko umukunzi we ari indashima kubera ko amubwira imvugo atumva.
Niba umukunzi wawe anyoterwa n’amagambo y’urukundo, mwandikire akabaruwa gato kuzuye imitoma ugasige ku meza cyangwa mu modoka ye; cyangwa ujy’umwandikira ubutumwa bugufi muri terefoni buri munsi cyangwa ndetse na kabiri ku munsi. Noneho mu gihe habaye umunsi mukuru, ubutumwa umwandikira kuri carte postal cyangwa ijambo uri uri buvuge, wuzuzemo imitoma. Iyo avuga iyi mvugo umutima we wuzura akanyamuneza.
Ni gute rero wamenya imvugo y’urukundo y’umukunzi wawe?
Uburyo bwa mbere wamenya imvugo y’urukundo y’umukunzi wawe ni uburyo we akwerekamo urukundo nkuko bisobanurwa na Stefanie Threadgill, founder wa “The Sex Therapy Institute.” Uko ndetse n’uburyo umukunzi wawe akwereka urukundo, niko nawe aba yifuza ko warumugaragariza.”
Ikindi bigaragaza n’uko akenshi imvugo y’urukundo y’umuntu yerekana icyo atabonye mu bwana bwe, cyangwa icyo twifuza kugira, kugirango anyurwe mu marangamitima yacu.
Irène Nyambo
