Ubusanzwe ibimenyerewe kuvugwa nuko akenshi abagabo aribo bifuza imibonano mpuzabitsina kurusha abagore. Ariko rero ntabwo umuntu yahera aha avuga ko abagabo bose bahora bifuza imibonano kurusha abagore, nkubu nyuma y’iperereza ryakozwe ,mu bagore babajijwe 24/100, bavuze ko aribo bifuza imibonano mpuzabitsina kurusha uko abagabo babo bayifuza.
Akenshi rero iyo umugore ahuye n’icyo kibazo cy’umugabo udashamadukira iriya mibonano, umugore atangira kwibaza ibibazo bitandukanye : Ese simubereye mwiza? Ese afite undi yikundira? Ese simushimisha?
Muri make ibibazo bihangayikishije umugore biba ari byinshi.
Tugiye kureba hano impamvu 5 zishobora gutera umugabo kutifuza imibonano mpuzabitsina.
1.Ibibazo bituruka mu mubiri.
Kimwe mu bibazo bishobora gutuma umugabo atifuza imibonano mpuzabitsina ni ukuba yaragiye anywa imiti igira ingaruka ku bushake bw’umugabo bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.
Impamvu ya kabiri, ishobora guturuka ku kwangirika kw’imisemburo ikorerwa mu bigize igitsina cy’umugabo, bikamutera ubushake.(testosterone)
Indi mpamvu yashakirwa kureba niba umugabo ataraba yarigeze kugira ikibazo cyo kudashobora gukora iyo mibonano, ku buryo ubu afite ubwoba bwo kuba yakongera guhura n’icyo kibazo.
Icyo gisa n’uburemba bwuzuye ariko nacyo gishobora kuba gituruka ku kuba umugabo yugarijwe no kurwara Diyabete, umutima, impyiko cyangwa ibibazo by’itembera ry’amaraso.
Ibi rero byose birasaba kujya kubaza Muganga.
Ku bagabo ariko bakiri bato, impamvu y’uku kwifuza kudahagije, akenshi kuba guturutse ku bibazo bigendanye n’amarangamutma, n’ibijyanye n’ubuzima bw’imitekerereze., kurusha uko byaturuka ku mubiri. Reka turebe kuri bimwe muri ibi bibazo.
- Impamvu ya Stress, guhangayika n’ibibazo byo mu marangamutima
Muri iki gihe usanga ahantu hose hari ibibazo by’ubukungu, ikibazo cyo kudashobora gutunga urugo uko bbikwiye gishobora gutera umugabo kutiyumva nk’umugabo. Niba ari uko bimeze rero, wowe mugore ereka umugabo icyubahiro, kandi umwereke ko umwitayeho, kandi umwumva. Cyokora mubyo ukora byose ntiwitware nka Maman kuri we, umufata nkuko umubyeyi afata umwana. Kuri uriya mugabo n’ubusanzwe watangiye kwifata nk’udafite ubugabo, kumwongereraho kumufata nk’umwana, byarushaho kubizambya. Mwereke ko ubona ko ashoboye guhangana n’ibyo muhura nabyo. Mutege amatwi, kandi nkuko twabivuze ntiwitware nk’uko umuforomokazi yitwara ku muurwayi.
Ni mu buryo nk’ubwo kandi umugore ashobora gutuma umugabo atigirira ikizere, mu gihe aba avuga umugabo we, cyane cyane mu ruhame, akoresheje amagambo atamwubahisha, nubwo umugore yaba abikoze atabigambiriye. Niyo mpamvu umugore aba akwiye gushungura amagambo avuga ku mugabo we . hari amagambo amusenya aho kumwubaka. Mu gihe ufunguye umunwa wawe ushaka kuvuga umugabo wawe umubwira abandi, bikore ari ukuvuga ibyiza bye.Niba arimo nko kuvuga inkuru mu buryo butaribwo irinde gukomeza kumukosora buri kanya.kandi no mu gihe muri mwenyine shaka uko mu kuba wamunenga wanamushima mu byiza akora. Nkuko uyu, Sheila Gregoire abivuga, ngo azi abagabo babuze ubushobozi bwo gukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina n’abagore babo, ku mpamvu yuko batakiyumva nk’abagabo bitewe n’imyifatire y’umugore.
- Kubura k’ubusabane hagati y’abashakanye.
Akenshi iyo hari ibitagenda hagati y’umugore n’umugabo, ingaruka zigera no mu buriri. Iyo izo ngaruka rero zibonetse, abantu bibwira ko kubikemura byahera aho mu buriri nyine. Icyo gihe umugore agatangira gushaka uko yakurura umugabo, agura imyenda iteye ukuntu uku n’uku, n’andi mayeri yose yo kumukurura. Ariko rero ubusanzwe, niba umugabo nta kibazo cyo mu mubiri afite, umugore aba akwiye gushakira igisubizo, mu kongera kuvugurura ubusabane n’ubushuti, hagati ye n’umugabo. Mbere na mbere igikwiye ni ukubanziriza ku gukemura impamvu yabiteye, intandaro yacyo. Ongera rero ibihe mwaba muri kumwe mwembi mwenyine, Fata akanya mutemberane, shaka se ikintu mwahuriraho kibahuza mwembi, byaba gutembera, gukora imikino runaka, gusohokana mu ma Restaurant, n’ibindi. Muvugane bihagije.
- Porno.
Muri zo mpamvu zose twavuze haruguru, porno ifite uruhare rukomeye mu gutuma benshi mu bagabo batifuza abagore babo. Uko umugabo areba porno kenshi ni nako uburyo busanzwe bwo guhuza ibitsina bumunanira. Porno kandi kimwe no kwikinisha, kuko akenshi bigendana; ibyo byombi bikururira abagabo kudashobora kugirana imibonano isanzwe n’abo babana. Ibyo ni ibintu byo kurandura mu buzima byanze bikunze, niba mushaka kugira imibanire yuje urugwiro, bishingiye no gushimishanya mu mibonano mpuzabitsina.
- Nta mpamvu ibitera igaragara.
Mu mpamvu zose twavuze zishobora gutuma umugabo atifuza kugirana imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umugore we, ushobora gusanga hari abagabo badafite imwe muri izo mpamvu. Nta bibazo byo mu mubiri bafite, nta bibazo byo mu maranga mutima. Gusa akaba ariko bimereye muri bo nta bushake bwo hejuru , cyangwa buhagije bwo gukora iyo mibonano, biyumvamo. Nkuko habaho abagabo bagufi n’abandi barebare, hakaba abafite ikiganza kinini abandi bakagira ikiganza gito, niko byashoboka ko habaho abagabo bagira ukwifuza guke kw’imibonano mpuzabitsina muri kamere yabo. Ubundi abo ni 5/100 , mu bagabo.
Wagira uti umugore se yabyifatamo ate?
Wowe mugore emera umugabo wawe kandi umwakire uko ari. Ibande cyane cyane mu kubaka ubushuti bukomeye hagati yanyu. Kora kuburyo hari ibibahuza mukorera hamwe, kora ku buryo mugira ibituma museka hamwe. Ibyo uko bitera imbere ni nako umugabo ashobora kuzamura ubushake , cyane cyane niba anywa inzoga , ibintu byatuma ayigabanya cyangwa ayireka byaba byiza, kuko nayo ari umwanzi wa testosterone twigeze kuvuga, kandi gukora sporo nabyo byamufasha kuzizamura. Uko biri kose ariko mwakire uko ari. Ikindi kandi ntiwibwire ko nubwo umugabo ateye uko , bivuga ko atashobora gukundana n’umugore. Oya, aracyafite urukundo, ni ikibazo gusa cyo kwifuza gukeya. Byakire rero uko biri, Cyane cyane wumve ko ari we Imana yaguhaye . Ubyakire mu mahoro y’Imana, wubake ubushuti bwanyu, Ntiwumve ko atagushaka kandi wige ku mukunda.
Sheila Gregoire
MITALI Adolphe.