Muri iyi minsi tugenda tubona inkuru mbi z’abantu biyambura ubuzima n’ibindi bimenyetso byinshi byerekana ko ubuzima bwo mu mutwe bw’abantu benshi bwangiritse. Ese twakwibaza kuki muri iyi minsi? Ese n’uko ubu ariho hari ibibazo byinshi kurusha cyera?
Hari zimwe mu nzobere zo mu mutwe zivuga ko agahinda gakabije kabaye rusange mu bantu aho bamwe bakita ibicurane byo mu buzima bwo mu mutwe. Aho baba bashatse gusobanura ko ari ibisanzwe; ariko nyamara ntabwo bipfa kuza. Akenshi usanga ari ibikomere umuntu aba yaragize mu bwana bwe bitigeze bikira harimo “gutereranwa”. Nkuko bivugwa na LPC-S (urugaga rw’inzobere zishinzwe kwita ku buzima bwo mu mutwe rwo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe Za Amerika. Ubumwe.com bwifashishije bubategurira iyi nkuru.
Gutereranwa (rejection) bisobanura “kujugunya ikintu inyuma yawe”.aha bishatse kuvuga ko ari ukubona ikintu kuba atari icy’agaciro cyangwa kuba kidakwiririye. Ibaze rero icyo cyintu ari wowe mu maso y’abandi cyane cyane abo ukunda? Wiyumvisha ko bakubona nk’udakwiririye urukundo rwabo.
Ababyeyi cyangwa inshuti zacu zishobora kudutererana…
Aha ni mu gihe ababyeyi bacu tuba tubakeneye mu buto bwacu, kuko umubyeyi imbere y’umwana we aba ari Imana. Mu gihe rero wa mwana wamutereranye wenda umubyaye wumva udakeneye izo nshingano, cyangwa urahuze cyane mu mihangayiko y’iyi si, ugasanga umwana yabaye uwa rubanda (umukozi wo mu rugo); cyangwa umwana akagutakira ntumuhe amatwi ukamwereka ko utamwitayeho. Cyangwa yakosa nk’abandi bana ukamuha igihano kirenze, n’ubwo yagusabye imbabazi; cyangwa nta mutima mubi ufite uretse ko wenda nawe nk’umubyeyi urwo rukundo ntarwo wabonye. Ibi byose byibika mu bwonko bw’umwana bikamubera igikomere gihoraho kandi iyo filime igahora igaruka mu maso yawa mwana yewe niyo amaze gukura. Iyo umwana yatereranwe n’inshuti ze, aho twavuga kumunnyuzura, bakamuseka, bakamuha akato bitewe n’impamvu wenda nk’ubumuga, irondaruhu cyangwa ironda bwoko cyangwa ikindi kintu; ibi byose bituma wa mwana nawe yiha akato; ikiyumvisha ko atari uw’agaciro, nta wamukunda akiburira icyizere.
Ibi rero uyu mwana iyo amaze gukura, bitewe n’imbuto mbi yatewemo yo kwiyanga bimugiraho ingaruka mbi zo mu mutwe, nk’agahinda gakabije , umuhangayiko , gukoresha ibiyobyabwenge ndetse bikaba byamuviramo kugira ibitekerezo biganisha ku kwiyahura. Rero aya marangamutima mabi iyo atavuwe hakiri kare atangira kugenda yigaragaza mu buzima bwe bwa buri munsi mu mibanire ye n’abandi.
DORE BIMWE MU BIMENYETSO BIGARAGAZA MWENE UYU MUNTU:
Aba bantu bahora bitekerereza nabi ndetse bakumva ko n’abandi ariko bababona. Urugero iyo uhuye n’umuntu mushyashya akagira amatsiko yo kukumenya byimbitse bitewe n’uko yakwikundiye gusa, ariko muri wowe ukumva ko ntacyo uri cyo ngo umuntu nk’uwo agire amatsiko yo kukumenya ahubwo ko impamvu ashaka kukumenya atagufitiye gahunda nziza menya ko ari igikomere cyo mu bwana kikikuyobora.
Kuba udakunda gusabana n’abandi. Urugero, iyo ubona abantu wenda bagutumira mu birori cyangwa inshuti ikagutumira ngo musohokane muganire; ukabona wowe uhora ubacenga udashaka kugenda, kuko uba wumva udakeneye umuntu ukumenya byimbitse ngo bamenye ko udakundwa (uku kudakundwa ni ko ubwonko bwawe buba bukubeshya bitewe n’ibyo wabwiwe cyangwa wanyuzemo ukiri muto); iki nacyo n’ikimenyetso cy’uko watereranwe mu bwana.
Uba wumva udakeneye ubufasha bw’abandi. Mwene aba bantu usanga baba bumva bihagije kandi bashoboye, mu gihe muri rusange nta muntu ushobora byose, hari aho bigera ukaba wakenera gufashwa. Gusaba ubufasha cyangwa kwemera gufashwa kuri bo aba ari ikizamini. Kuko ukunda gusanga ari abakozi beza cyane (hardworking). Baba bari kugerageza kwikiza bya bikomere bibwira ko bari guhindura bya bindi baciyemo ariko mu by’ukuri baba barimo kwikomeretsa birushijeho.
Uba ukunda gushimisha abantu. Urugero, iyo mu bwana bwawe hari ibyo wakoreraga ababyeyi, nko kwita kubana mu rugo, gufata inshingano runaka kugirango ababyeyi bawe bakwishimire, baguhe impano cyangwa babone ko uri umwana mwiza; (nyamara urukundo rw’umubyeyi ku mwana we ntirugira ikiguzi) ntabwo birangirira aho, kuko niyo umaze gukura uba wumva ko hari icyo ukwiye gukora kugirango inshuti zawe cyangwa umukunzi akwakire mu buzima bwe. Usanga rero hari igihe ukora n’ibintu bikubangamiye cyangwa ukaba igitambo cy’abandi ngo ubashimishe.
birakugora cyane kwizera umuntu ngo agere ku marangamutima yawe. Umwana watereranywe n’ababyeyi be usanga nta muntu n’umwe ashobora kwizera ngo amufungurire amarangamutima ye; kuko kuri we abona abantu bose ari babi. Ndetse niyo yubatse usanga adashobora kubwira uwo bashakanye akari ku mutima; haba ibimubangamiye, niba wenda atotezwa ku kazi n’ibindi, ahubwo ayo maranganutima akayapfukirana yijijisha ngo hatagira urabukwa ko afite ikibazo. Usanga bibeshya ko ari ukwihangana nyamara sibyo.
DORE INGARUKA IBIKOMERE BYO MU BWANA BIGIRA KU MUNTU:
Aba bantu usanga bahorana umujinya ndetse ari abanyamahane cyane. Nta wushimishwa no gutereranwa, rero wa mwana wakomeretse hagera igihe akigaragaza nk’uwirwanirira. Hari igihe arwanya undi muntu akoresheje amagambo (gutukana) cyangwa ingumi (violence), mu gihe we, aba abona uwo muntu yamuteye. Mu bwonko bwe abayumva ari kurwanya rya tereranwa yagize mu bwana.
Atakaza ibyiringiro bigatuma yiha akato mu bandi bantu. Aho kugira ngo arwanye kwa gutereranwa yagize mu buto bwe kwamuteye igikomere ku mutima, usanga yiyacyira akumva ko aricyo kimukwiriye. Ibi rero bigatuma yiha akato, akumva adashaka gusabana n’abandi. Ibi bigatuma abaho yihebye nta cyizere yigiramo.
Nyuma yo kwiyakira ko yahawe urumukwiye usanga ahubwo yitererana akumva ko akwiye kubabazwa kurushaho kuko ari cyo yaremewe. Ibi bigaragara iyo habayeho ihohoterwa. Mwene uyu muntu ntabwo ashobora gutaka cyangwa guhunga iryo hohoterwa kuko aba yumva ko atari uw’agaciro, rero ntacyo biba bimutwaye. muri we aba yaruzuye intimba aba yumva ibintu byose aba ari ibisanzwe. Rero haza kugera igihe uyu muntu yumva byamurenze agahitamo kwiyambura ubuzima bwe.
Ibi ntabwo birobanura ku butoni, haba mu bize, abatize, abakire ndetse n’abakene; mu byiciro byose by’abantu dufite abagendana ibikomere byo mu bwana. Niba hari aho waba wibonye nyamuneka gana inzobere mu buzima bwo mu mutwe (psychotherapist or psychologist) ubone ubufasha.
Irène Nyambo
