Nk’uko uyu munsi twizihiza umunsi w’abakundana (Saint Valentin) baba abatararushinga cyangwa abarushinze. Akaba ari umunsi abantu bose baba bategerezanyirije amatsiko kugira bishimane n’abakunzi babo. Aho usanga basohokana, umwe agurira mugenzi we impano, akamuha indabyo ndetse hari n’abambara imyenda yabigenewe aha tuvuga ko ari ibara ry’umukara n’umutuku.
Uyu munsi rero uryohera abari kumwe cyane, ariko rero ntitwakwirengagiza abafite abakunzi kure y’amazi mu bindi bihugu cyangwa imigabane (long distance relationships). Aho usanga bitaborohera kwizihiza uwo munsi nk’uko bikwiye.
ni muri urwo rwego Ubumwe.com twabakusanyirije ibyo wakora kugira ngo urukundo rwanyu ruzahore rutoshye kabone n’ubwo muri ahatandukanye.
Hari umugani uvuga ngo “kure y’amaso si kure y’umutima”. Uyu mugani ni ukuri ariko kandi urukundo rwo hakurya y’amazi ruravuna. n’ubwo mwumva mufitaniye urukundo ruhebuje ariko ntihabura agatekerezo kaza kagutera guhangayika wibaza niba koko urukundo rwanyu ruzarokoka ibihe bibi mukazabana. Kuko hari zimwe zihura n’ibizazane byo kuba mutabonana amaso ku maso, bikarangira rupfuye abandi bakajya muri za gatanya.
Humura birashoboka kuko simwe ba mbere cyangwa aba nyuma bari mu rukundo ariko mutari kumwe . Hari n’abandi benshi kandi barenze icyo gikombe.
Twifashishije Lasting urugaga rw’abantu bahugura abashakanye (couple therapists) bigisha ingeri zose mu bijyanye n’urukundo. Bakaba baha inama abari muri ubu bwoko bw’urukundo uburyo bakoresha kugirango urukundo rwabo ruhore rutoshye:
1. Muganire haba kenshi cyangwa gacye ariko gatuma mwumva muri mu mwuka umwe.
Tubayeho mu bihe usanga umwanya ari ikintu gikomeye, ndetse no kugira uwo kuvugana ari ikibazo kubera uko ubuzima bwa none bumeze, Rero kwiha umwanya uhagije kandi wihariye wo kuganira n’umukunzi wawe ukuri kure, ni impano ikomeye mu gihe mwembi mubyumva kimwe. Ahari bamwe baba bumva bavugana buri saha, abandi buri munsi.
Mubiganireho murebe ibibanogeye. haba wenda umwanya ungana iki, mu yahe masaha muzajya muba muri kwandikirana ubutumwa bugufi, guhamagarana kuvugana kuri video; haba mu cyumweru hagati cyangwa weekend. Kandi mworoherane mu guhindura uko muganira mu gihe bibaye ngombwa.
2. Ube umukunzi wawe hafi mu gihe ndetse bidashoboka ko umuba hafi.
Ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko urukundo rukomera cyane, ari rwa rundi buri wese aha amarangamutima ya mugenzi we agaciro, bisobanura ngo muraganira kugeza amarangamutima ya mugenzi wawe anyuzwe. Aha twavuga ko ayo marangamutima aba ari kukubaza ati” uzamba hafi buri gihe?” rero iyo igisubizo mu bikorwa kije ari yego, kabone n’ubwo uba uri kure aba yumva umuri ku mutima.
Gusubiza amarangamutima ya mugenzi wawe mu buryo bwiza, bigaragara nk’ibigoye mu rukundo rwo hakurya y’amazi. Kuko ntushobora kugaragara mu buryo bufatika, ngo wenda umuhobere. Ariko n’ubwo ari imbogamizi ariko ntiyabuza abakunda gusabana mu buryo buri wese anyurwa, gusa haba hakenewe ko mubigira intego. Niba wapanze ko mu gihe runaka uhamagara umukunzi wawe, bihe agaciro nk’ukuntu iyo ufite inama y’akazi cyangwa randevu (rendez-vous) na muganga utemerera ikintu icyo aricyo cyose ngo kikurogoye. Niba hari ikintu wenda umukunzi wawe yari yakubwiye ko ari gukora nka interview y’akazi cyangwa ikindi, muhamagare umenye uko byagenze bimwereka ko aguhora ku mutima kandi umuha agaciro, n’ubwo musa n’abari kure ku bigaragara.
3. Jya uhora wibutsa umukunzi wawe ibyo ukunda mu rukundo rwanyu
Gushidikanya no gufuha biriganza cyane mu rukundo rwo hakurya y’amazi kubera kumara igihe kirekire mutabonana amaso ku maso. Niyo mpamvu iri tsinda ryo muri Lasting riha inama abari muri ubwo bwoko bw’urukundo kumara umukunzi wawe impungenge uburyo umukunda ukoresheje amagambo.
Bimufasha kugabanya amarangamutima mabi( negative) kandi bikamuha umucyo aho muhagaze mu rukundo rwanyu. Nimwongera kuvugana n’umukunzi wawe mubwire uburyo umukunda kandi uha agaciro urukundo rwanyu, niwumva ufite impungenge runaka mubaze ntugire ubwoba kuko byongera icyizere mufitanye.
Ushobora no kumubwira uti: Ndagukunda kandi iyaba byari bishobotse ngo tube turi kumwe uyu munsi” ibi bimuha akanyamuneza akumva ko nubwo mutari kumwe ariko umuhoza ku mutima.
4. Ushiremo imbaraga mu gufasha mugenzi wawe kwiteza imbere mu buryo bwose.
Mwaba muri kumwe cyangwa mutari kumwe, wowe n’umukunzi wawe mukwiye gukomeza kwiteza imbere; muhane ubwo burengazira bwa buri wese kwifatira ibyemezo ku kintu kijyanye no kwiteza imbere. Gusa mwahana inama; kuko ari ikintu cyiza kabone n’ubwo bishobora kubasaba gukora impinduka mu rukundo rwanyu muzabikore.
Iri tsinda kandi rivuga ko abari muri uru rukundo bahana uburenganzira bwo gukura no kwiteza imbere, bituma bigirira icyizere ndetse no kwizerana. Kwiteza imbere no guhinduka mu mitekerereze n’ikimenyetso cy’urukundo rufite ubuzima bwiza. Uburyo bumwe wakora ni ugushyigikira umukunzi wawe haba mu bitekerezo cyangwa byaba na ngombwa mu mikoro mu byo akunda kugira ngo agere ku byo yifuza.
5. Mugirane umwanya w’umwihariko
Nkuko Liz Colizza umwe mu bo muri iri tsinda abisobanura, avuga ko ingo nyinshi usanga zibanye neza, usanga hari ibintu bimwe bibahuza bakorera hamwe kuko bituma babana hafi mu mitekerereze. Rero ku bari mu rukundo rwo hakurya y’amazi ni akarushyo.
Mukwiye gushaka ibintu mushobora gukora icyarimwe ariko muri ahatandukanye, iki kibafasha kumva muri kumwe. Mushobora gusoma igitabo kimwe ariko buri wese afite copi ye, noneho mukabiganiraho, cyangwa mugakurikirana ikiganiro kimwe buri wese agatanga igitekerezo cye nk’abari kumwe muri salon. Mukoresheje terephone.
6. Mwige gukemura ibibazo hamwe kabone n’ubwo muba muri ahatandukanye
N’ubwo mwaba mubana cyangwa muri ku migabane itandukanye, mukwiye kwiga uburyo bubereye bwo gukemura ibibazo. Ibibazo bikomeye akenshi biza bivuye mu tubazo duto muba mwirengagije, cyangwa mwatinye kuvugaho kuko mwumva biserereza.
Hari umudamu umwe w’umusirikari watanze ubuhamya bw’ibyamubayeho n’umukunzi we. “Ntabwo nigeze numva mbohokeye kuzana ibyampangayikishaga mu rukundo rwacu ngo tubivugire kuri phone, byatumaga nkomeza kwihangana; nyuma njya kumusura nabwo nanga kubivuga ngo bitatwicira ibihe byiza twarimo kuko nabonaga biri buzane umwuka mubi no kutumvikana mu rukundo rwacu. Byageze ubwo numvaga ntashobora kubyihanganira, ubwo nahisemo gutandukana nawe; ikibabaje ni uko atari azi n’ibintu bimpangayikisha. Niba utinya kuvuga ibibazo wumva by’ingutu cyangwa biguhangayikisha mu rukundo rwanyu, gerageza ushake uburyo bunoze kandi bw’iyubashye ibyo bibazo mubiganireho kandi muzane n’igisubizo gikwiye.
7. Wite ku byiza byo kuba mutari kumwe.
Gutandukanywa n’umuntu ukunda cyane biragoye kubibonamo icyiza. Ariko kandi kuba nta bushobozi ufite bwo kubihindura ugomba guhindura imyumvire yawe. Umwe mu bo twashoboye gufasha yaduhaye ubuhamya bw’ibimushimisha mu rukundo rwabo rwo hakurya y’amazi, nyuma y’uko gufashwa. Ati “ndabizi ko bisa n’ibitumvikana kuvuga ko nshimishwa n’urukundo rwacu. Ariko mu kuri guhari n’uko iyo ndi kumwe n’umukunzi wanjye muha umwanya wanjye 100% nta kirogoya; naho iyo tutari kumwe umwanya wanjye nyushira mu masomo yanjye,n’ibiindi bintu byo kwiteza imbere ndetse n’inshuti.
Rero kuri twe nabonye ari ikintu cyiza. Guhangayika nk’uko bigaragara mu kuba mu rukundo mugenzi wawe akuri kure ni ibisanzwe, ariko gerageza urebe inyungu zabyo kuko zirahari. Ufite umwanya uhagije wo kwihugiraho, gukora imyidagaduro ukunda, kugira umwanya n’inshuti n’umuryango; bishyire ku murongo byose ubyishingikirize mu gihe wumva ucitse inkege gubera urukundo rwanyu.
8. Wubahe (uhe agaciro) impamvu itumye mutandukana
Nta gushidikanya hari igihe uzajya wumva ucitse intege kubera urukundo rwanyu. Ndetse rimwe na rimwe ushobora gufata umwanzuro wo gukora ikintu kitari cyiza nko gusezera akazi, cyangwa kuva mu ishuri kugira ngo wibanire n’uwo ukunda.
Nubwo uwo mwanzuro usa nk’ikimenyetso cy’urukundo, ariko kandi wibuke ko hari impamvu itumye muba mutari kumwe; muri byo ashobora kuba ari amasomo, umwuga wawe, amikoro cyangwa indi mpamvu ibasaba kwihangana kugeza ku mwanya nyawo bishoboka ko mubana. Ntiwemere ko amezi cyangwa imyaka yo kwiteza imbere ipfa ubusa kubera kubura kwihangana ngo mubone kubana. Urukundo rwanyu ruzagira ireme rikomeye nimusoza ibyo mwatangiye neza.
9. Mu gihe gikwiye mukore inyigo y’igihe kirekire uburyo muzabana.
Umuntu wese wabaye mu rukundo rwo hakurya y’amazi ashobora kwemeza ukuntu bibabaza kuba kure y’uwo ukunda. Niba uri mu rukundo n’umuntu wifuza kuzabana nawe akaramata, mukwiye gupanga uburyo muhuza gahunda ndetse n’inzozi zanyu ku murongo umwe kugeza igihe muzabana.
Niba ibi ari ukuzakora ubukwe, cyangwa gutera ivi, cyangwa guhindura akazi nyuma y’igihe runaka; gusa abe ari intambwe muzatera nyuma y’igihe runaka kandi ibanogeye mwembi.
Kuba mufite icyerekezo cy’uko muzabana bibafasha gutsinda ibihe bigoye murimo biterwa n’uko mutari kumwe. kandi bikagufasha kumva ko uwo ukunda atakuri kure cyane.
Tubifurije umunsi mwiza w’abakundana.
Happy Valentine’s day
Irène Nyambo
