Iyo umugore wawe ubona atagishishikajwe no gukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina nawe, biroroshye guhita ufata umwanzuro ko ubwo atakigushaka. Ariko nyamara ntabwo aribyo guhita usimbuka ngo ufashe umwanzuro utazi impamvu.
Ni byiza aho bishoboka ko wakwegera inzobere mu bijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina (sexologue) cyangwa bitagushobokera nibura ukagerageza gusuzuma ukamenya impamvu yaba yarabiteye, aho kwihutira gufata umwanzuro runaka.
Uyu munsi Ubumwe.com bagendeye ku bushakashatsi bw’inzobere mu by’imibonano mpuzabitsina Tammy Nelson twabakoreye urutonde rw’ibintu 7, ( Imwifato,amarangamutima) umugore wawe ashobora kugaragaza ndetse n’icyo wagerageza gukora.
Ngizi impamvu 7 zishobora gutuma umugore wawe atifuza gukorana nawe imibonano mpuzabitsina :
Umubano wanyu ntabwo ushimishije….
Ku bagore benshi, iki gikorwa cy’imibonano mpuzabitsina ntabwo bapfa kugikora uko biboneye, biterwa n’umubano ndetse n’ubushuti mufitanye. Niba umugore wawe atishimiye umubano wanyu, ndakubwiza ukuri gutekereza imibonano mpuzabitsina, nicyo kintu cya nyuma kizaza mu ntekerezo ze. Mbese ntitwatinya no kuvuga ko ari ikintu kizaza nyuma y’uko abuze ikindi atekereza. Cyangwa ntikinaze.
Umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze Susan Krauss Whitbourne. Yavuze ko ikintu cyiza mwakora aho, ari ukuganira mutuje, ukamubaza ikitagenda neza, aha mushobora no guhita mugira amahirwe yo gukemura icyo kibazo cyari gihari.
Iyo akoze imibonano mpuzabitsina arababara….
Niba nta mutekano aba afite iyo akora imibonano mpuzabitsina, kubera kubabara, birumvikana ko ibi atari ibintu yahitamo gukora kandi abizi neza ko iyo ari kubikora ababara.
Umushakashatsi mubujyanye n’ubuzima bw’ingingo z’umuntu Elizabeth McGrath, yavuze ko ububabare bwo mu ngingo z’igitsina, zigira ingaruka ku bushake bw’umugore. Mu gihe ari uko bimeze utamuhuhuye, ganiriza umugore wawe umubwire ko ari kuri we ubushake bwawe nawe buturuka. Hanyuma nubwo hari imiti igabanya ubu bu babare, icyiza ni ukujya kubaza umuganga w’inararibonye muri iki kibazo akabafasha.
Wenda arananiwe….
« Hoya rwose Mukunzi, iri joro mbabarira…Ndananiwe cyane » Iyi ni interuro ikoreshwa cyane n’abagore. Kandi koko bibaho cyane ko aba ananiwe. Nyuma y’umunsi muremure w’akazi birashoboka cyane ko umugore agera mu buriri, ikintu cyambere yitekerereza ari ukuryama akaruhuka, aho gutekereza imibonano.
Elizabeth McGrath. Yakomeje avuga ati « Ikintu cyiza ntabwo ari ukumunuka inabi umusabana agahato, ahubwo mera nk’umwinginga umushyiraho ubushuti, ndakwizeza ko nubwo yaba ananiwe uwo mubano wanyu uza gusozwa no kwemera gukora imibonano. »
Yarakurambiwe…
Ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko kugira ngo abashakanye barambane kandi bakomeze kuryoherwa n’imibonano mpuzabitsina,ari uko mwembi mukomeza kwumva umwe yifuza mugenzi we ari uko utamuhindukirira undi muntu atigeze amenya mbere. Ugomba kwibaza iki kibazo burigihe. « Ese ndacyari wawundi yakunze cyangwa naramuhindukanye nabaye undi muntu ? »
Uburyo ukoramo imibonano ni bumwe ntagihinduka….
Iyo mugenzi wawe abona ko uburyo ukoramo imibonano ari bumwe kuva igihe cyose mu maranye. Umwanya umara,uburyo umutegura, uburyo ubikoramo(position) mbese ugasanga uko byari ejo, uyu munsi akaba ariko bimeze, bimutera no guhita yiyumvisha ko n’ejo ariko bizaba bimeze, ibi ntibimutere ubushake nabuke. Umuhanga muby’imibonano mpuzabitsina Dawn Michael. Avuga ko ugomba guhora ushaka udushya umukorera kugira ngo bimutere amatsiko n’ubushake bw’ibizaba ejo.
Ntabwo mugihuza mu bitekerezo
Aho gufata umwanya munini utekereza ku mubano wanyu w’imibonano mpuzabitsina,ahubwo fata umwanya utekereza ku kijyanye n’amarangamutima yanyu ndetse n’uburyo muri guhuza ibitekerezo. Akenshi kwumva ko muri guhuza mu bitekerezo biraborohera no kumenya aho mwahuriza kugira ngo mwembi mube mwabasha gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ibi kandi ntabwo biba ku bagore gusa, biba no ku bagabo.
Nyiragakecuru
