Urugo rwiza rufite ubushobozi bwo kugira iyi si dutuye y’umuhangayiko ijuru rito, nk’uko byaririmbwe na nyakwigendera Yvan Buravan. Buri gihe iyo dushyingira abana bacu, abavandimwe ndetse n’inshuti, aba ari ibyishimo bikomeye kuko tuba tuzi ko bagiye mu byishimo by’ubuzima bwabo bwose. Ese iyo bagezeyo, bya byifuzo byacu biba impamo? Ese koko baba bari mu ijuru rito? Ese abanyabwenge mu bijyanye n’umubano w’abashakanye babivugaho iki?
Dr. Jill Webber, umwanditsi w’ibitabo bijyanye n’imibanire kandi akaba inzobere n’umuvuzi mu bijyanye n’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe, kuri iyo ngingo yerekana ko abana bavukira ndetse bagakurira mu ngo aho ababyeyi bakundana ndetse bitanaho, bavamo abana bishimye bafite ubuzima bwiza bwo mu mutwe. Urugo rubi rwo rusenya abo bashakanye ubwabo ndetse n’abana babyaye cyangwa barera.
Urugo rubi akenshi biva mu mahitamo y’urugiyemo, usanga ajyayo adashishoje ngo amenye ngo uyu muntu tugiye kubana ni muntu ki? Cyangwa ugasanga impamvu agiye mu rugo ntabwo yari ikwiriye. Kuko abahanga mu bijyanye n’imibanire yo mu ngo bavuga ko urugo n’ubukwe ari ibintu bibiri bitandukanye; kuko biba byiza iyo ugiye kubaka akwiye kuba yiteguye bihagije, afite n’impamvu nyayo yo kubaka umuryango.
Dore zimwe mu mpamvu mbi zidakwiye gutuma wubaka urugo
1. Ntushake kugira ngo werekane ko nawe bishoboka cyangwa uri agatangaza:
Mu mico myinshi cyangwa muri za sosiyeti zacu, gushaka ni ikimenyetso cyo kugera iyo ujya, gukira, kugera mu byishimo, kuba umaze gukura (umugabo), kuba umuntu wihagazeho. Rero usanga abantu bakoresha gushaka nk’ikintu cyo kwerekana ko batoroshye hari aho bageze mu buzima. Hari abashaka ngo bereke ababyeyi babo ko ari bakuru bashobora kwifatira imyanzuro, hari abandi bashaka kugira ngo bereke ba bakunzi batandukanye ko atari bo kamara; cyangwa kwereka imiryango yabatereranye ko babayeho kandi bageze kure n’ibindi nk’ibyo.
Ibi byose ni ukwibeshya, kuko iyo urugezemo ugahura n’ukuri k’ubuzima ushaka n’aho uhungira ariko ntaho uba ufite. Fata igihe ushishoze urebe neza ko ufite ubushobozi bwo kubaka urugo, kuko urugo si urw’abanyantegenke.
2. Ntushake kugira ngo ushobore kwita ku wundi muntu cyangwa kwitabwaho:
Ni byiza kwita ku wundi muntu kuko ni ikimenyetso cy’ubumuntu, ariko si ngombwa ngo umuntu ukeneye gufasha umugire umugore cyangwa umugabo wawe, ibi bikunda gukorwa n’abagabo. Mu gihe ari wowe ukenewe kwitabwaho, gukundwa, niba ufite ikibazo saba ubufasha ariko udashyize undi muntu mu mutego. Si byiza gushaka umuntu udakunze kugira ngo agukorere ibyo udafitiye ubushobozi, nko kwambara neza, kubaho neza kuko nta kazi ufite. Ibi bikunda gukorwa n’igitsina gore.
Ibi uzabikora ariko nyuma y’igihe runaka, uzatangira kugereranya umutwaro wikoreye n’uwo mugenzi wawe yikoreye, ntabwo bizagushimisha. Uzasanga warahubutse bitari ngombwa, cyangwa atangire kugucyurira ku byo agukorera, uzahaba ariko nta byishimo uzagira mu rugo. Urugo rwiza ni imikoranire (partnership) y’abantu babiri, aho uba ushobora kugira icyo wimarira no mu gihe mugenzi wawe adahari.
3. Irinde, ntushake kugira ngo wumve ko aribwo wigiriye icyizere:
Hari igihe tuba twarakuze tutigirira icyizere bitewe n’ibikomere, ugasanga wakuze ubwirwa ko uri mubi, ufite inenge runaka ukumva ko nta wagukunda, rero wahura n’umuntu ukwereka ko yagukunze, ugasanga uyobowe n’amarangamutima gusa nturebe neza ko uwo muntu atarimo kugushuka. Ukisanga ngo mwashakanye mugatangira kugira amakimbirane mutaramara kabiri, kuko wowe wamukunze buhumyi ariko we yashatse kugukoresha. Mwarangiza kubyarana na we akajya gushaka uwundi. Gerageza ubanze ushake ubufasha kugira ngo wigirire icyizere nyuma ubone kujya mu rugo.
4. Ntujye mu rugo kubera ko igihe cyakurangiranye:
Hari igihe umuntu agera mu myaka runaka, agahita avuga ati nkwiye gushaka vuba bidatinze kuko kabaye! Ibi baba babiterwa n’uko babona urungano rwose rumaze gushaka: abo bakorana, abo biganye, abaturanyi n’abandi; akiyumvisha ko ari we wenyine usigaye kandi ntabwo azajya ajya mu biganiro by’abubatse ari we ngaragu wenyine. Bikamutera guhubuka agahita yifatira uwo abonye adafashe igihe ngo amwige bihagije cyangwa atari tayari.
Kuba tayari mu kujya mu rugo ntabwo ari imyaka gusa, hari n’ibindi bintu ureba kugira ngo wemeze ko hageze ndetse ugahitamo n’umuntu washishoje. Umva, hagarara kigabo, gutegereza ntabwo byoroshye ariko n’iyo waba uwa nyuma ntacyo bitwaye kuko iyo myaka ingahe yakurinda kutagwa mu makosa uzicuza ubuzima bwawe bwose, ahubwo ukazaba muri rya juru rito imyaka usigaje yose.
5. Ntushake kugira ngo ugire wa muryango wifuzaga utavukiyemo:
Ibikomere byo mu bwana ntibyoroshye gukira kuko ni urugendo. Hari igihe umuntu yicira akayira ka bugufi akibeshya ko kugira urugo rwe, bizamuha ibyishimo bya wa muryango mwiza yifuzaga atagize iwabo, kandi na we akwiriye kwishimiramo. Hari igihe wirahira ko udashobora kuzakora nk’ibyo ababyeyi bawe bakoraga, ukibwira ko ibyo wowe wifuza aribyo n’umufasha wawe yifuza.
Kuba mudafite amateka amwe hari igihe mudahuza ugasanga ibyo watekerezaga nk’ibyishimo by’ubuzima bwawe bihindutse bibi kurushaho. Fata umwanya uhagije ubanze ukire ibyo bikomere byakubabaje wifashije cyangwa ufashijwe n’inzobere mu bijyanye n’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe, numara gukira neza ugende wubake urugo ruzakomera.
Irene Nyambo
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